October 4, 2016
We all seek approval, and our mother’s seal is usually the most important.
– Beth Ditto
Approval: the action of officially agreeing or accepting something as satisfactory
I don’t outwardly go looking for it in my daily life but I get an extra skip in my step if someone says “I really like that outfit” or “My child is really enjoying your class this year.” I don’t seek out approval but it sure feels nice when I get it.
As I read that definition, I now realize why approval may mean so much to me. I am a people pleaser. Always have been. I have no doubt that I was probably the kid in class who sucked up to the teacher. At home, if I got in trouble, all my parents had to do was look at me with disappointment and that was punishment enough for me.
As I have been contemplating this move to Montana for what seems like ages, I know that truly what matters is what is best for myself, Matt and Liam. But what do I constantly think about? Other people. I know how crushed our parents would be to see their only grandchild move 30+ hours away. I think of friends who may never get to come out and see us (and those who are already planning their vacations…ha). I think of coworkers and my students who I’d be leaving in a pinch.
All the while, I know it’s not about them. It’s about us.
So today when my mom calls and tells me verbally that she supports us, a weight I didn’t even know I had was lifted. Yes, she will still be sad if we move. But hearing her say verbally that she supports us was affirmation I didn’t know I needed. She went on to say some other things and I thought “She knows me.” Of course she does. She’s known me for 31 years. She knows me as well as I know myself.
But, though I was not seeking my mother’s approval to move across country (nor do I need it), just hearing those words was exactly what this little girl at heart needed.